The Host 25 page

I don’t think that’s why he’s worried, Mel said.

“Are you listening to her now?” Jared was on his feet but still watching my face.

His question distracted me before I could ask her what she meant. “Yes.”

“What’s she saying?”

“We’re noticing what the others think of your… change of heart.” I nodded toward Melanie’s aunt and cousin. They turned their backs on me in synchronization.

“Tough nuts,” he acknowledged.

“Fine, then,” Kyle boomed, turning his body toward the ball that sat under the brightest spot of light. “We’ll win it without you.”

“I’m coming!” Jared threw one wistful glance at me‑at us‑and ran to get in on the game.

I wasn’t the best scorekeeper. It was too dark to see the ball from where I sat. It was too dark even to see the players well when they weren’t right under the lights. I began counting from Jamie’s reactions. His shout of victory when his team scored, his groan when the other team did. The groans outnumbered the shouts.

Everyone played. Maggie was the goalie for Andy’s team, and Jeb was the goalie for Lily’s. They were both surprisingly good. I could see their silhouettes in the light from the goalpost lamps, moving as lithely as if they were decades younger. Jeb was not afraid to hit the floor to stop a goal, but Maggie was more effective without resorting to such extremes. She was like a magnet for the invisible ball. Every time Ian or Wes got off a shot… thunk! It landed in her hands.

Trudy and Paige quit after a half hour or so and passed me on their way out, chattering with excitement. It seemed impossible that we’d started the morning with a trial, but I was relieved that things had changed so drastically.

The women weren’t gone long. They came back with arms full of boxes. Granola bars‑the kind with fruit filling. The game came to a halt. Jeb called halftime, and everyone hurried over to eat breakfast.

The goods were divvied up at the center line. It was a mob scene at first.

“Here you go, Wanda,” Jamie said, ducking out of the group. He had his hands full of the bars, and water bottles tucked under his arms.

“Thanks. Having fun?”

“Yeah! Wish you could play.”

“Next time,” I said.

“Here you go…” Ian was there, his hands full of granola bars.

“Beat ya,” Jamie told him.

“Oh,” Jared said, appearing on Jamie’s other side. He also had too many bars for one.

Ian and Jared exchanged a long glance.

“Where’s all the food?” Kyle demanded. He stood over an empty box, his head swiveling around the room, looking for the culprit.

“Catch,” Jared said, tossing granola bars one by one, hard, like knives.

Kyle plucked them out of the air with ease, then jogged over to see if Jared was holding out on him.

“Here,” Ian said, shoving half of his haul toward his brother without looking at him. “Now go.”

Kyle ignored him. For the first time today, he looked at me, staring down at me where I sat. His irises were black with the light behind him. I couldn’t read his expression.

I recoiled, and caught my breath when my ribs protested.

Jared and Ian closed ranks in front of me like stage curtains.

“You heard him,” Jared said.

“Can I say something first?” Kyle asked. He peered down through the space between them.

They didn’t respond.

“I’m not sorry,” Kyle told me. “I still think it was the right thing to do.”

Ian shoved his brother. Kyle reeled back but then stepped forward again.

“Hold on, I’m not done.”

“Yeah, you are,” Jared said. His hands were clenched, the skin over his knuckles white.

Everyone had noticed now. The room was hushed, all the fun of the game lost.

“No, I’m not.” Kyle held his hands up, a gesture of surrender, and spoke to me again. “I don’t think I was wrong, but you did save my life. I don’t know why, but you did. So I figure, a life for a life. I won’t kill you. I’ll pay the debt that way.”

“You stupid jackass,” Ian said.

“Who’s got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?”

Ian lifted his fists, leaning forward.

“I’ll tell you why,” I said, making my voice louder than I wanted to. But it had the effect I was after. Ian and Jared and Kyle turned to stare at me, fight forgotten for the moment.

It made me nervous. I cleared my throat. “I didn’t let you fall because… because I’m not like you. I’m not saying that I’m not… like humans. Because there are others here who would do the same. There are kind and good people here. People like your brother, and Jeb, and Doc… I’m saying that I’m not like you personally. ”

Kyle stared at me for a minute and then chuckled. “Ouch,” he said, still laughing. He turned away from us then, his message given, and walked back to get some water. “Life for a life,” he called over his shoulder.

I wasn’t sure I believed him. Not sure at all. Humans were good liars.

CHAPTER 37. Wanted

There was a pattern to the wins. If Jared and Kyle played together, they won. If Jared played with Ian, then that team would win. It seemed to me that Jared could not be defeated, until I saw the brothers play together.

At first it seemed to be a strained thing, for Ian at least, playing as teammates with Kyle. But after a few minutes of running in the dark, they fell into a familiar pattern‑a pattern that had existed since long before I’d come to this planet.

Kyle knew what Ian would do before Ian did it, and vice versa. Without having to speak, they told each other everything. Even when Jared pulled all the best players to his side‑Brandt, Andy, Wes, Aaron, Lily, and Maggie as goalie‑Kyle and Ian were victorious.

“Okay, okay,” Jeb said, catching Aaron’s goal attempt with one hand and tucking the ball under his arm. “I think we all know the winners. Now, I hate to be a party pooper, but there’s work waiting… and, to be honest, I’m bushed.”

There were a few halfhearted protests and a few moans, but more laughter. No one seemed too upset to have the fun end. From the way a few people sat down right where they were and put their heads between their knees to breathe, it was clear Jeb wasn’t the only one who was tired out.

People began to drift out in twos and threes. I scooted to one side of the corridor’s mouth, making room for them to pass, probably on their way to the kitchen. It had to be past time for lunch, though it was hard to mark the hour in this black hole. Through the gaps in the line of exiting humans, I watched Kyle and Ian.

When the game was called, Kyle had raised his hand for a high five, but Ian had stalked past him without acknowledging the gesture. Then Kyle caught his brother’s shoulder and spun him around. Ian knocked Kyle’s hand away. I tensed for a fight‑and it seemed like one at first. Kyle threw a punch toward Ian’s stomach. Ian dodged it easily, though, and I saw that there was no force behind it. Kyle laughed and used his superior reach to rub his fist into Ian’s scalp. Ian smacked that hand away, but this time he halfway smiled.

“Good game, bro,” I heard Kyle say. “You’ve still got it.”

“You’re such an idiot, Kyle,” Ian answered.

“You got the brains; I got the looks. Seems fair.”

Kyle threw another half‑strength punch. This time, Ian caught it and twisted his brother into a headlock. Now he was really smiling, and Kyle was cussing and laughing at the same time.

It all looked very violent to me; my eyes narrowed, tight with the stress of watching. But at the same time, it brought to mind one of Melanie’s memories: three puppies rolling on the grass, yapping furiously and baring their teeth as if their only desire was to rip out their brothers’ throats.

Yes, they’re playing, Melanie confirmed. The bonds of brotherhood go deep.

As they should. This is right. If Kyle really doesn’t kill us, this will be a good thing.

If, Melanie repeated morosely.

“Hungry?”

I looked up, and my heart stopped beating for a slightly painful moment. It seemed that Jared was still a believer.

I shook my head. This gave me the moment I needed to be able to speak to him. “I’m not sure why, since I’ve done nothing besides sit here, but I’m just tired.”

He held out his hand.

Get a hold of yourself, Melanie warned me. He’s just being courteous.

You think I don’t know that?

I tried to keep my hand from shaking as I reached for his.

He pulled me carefully to my feet‑to my foot, really. I balanced there on my good leg, not sure how to proceed. He was confused, too. He still held my hand, but there was a wide space between us. I thought of how ridiculous I would look hopping through the caves, and felt my neck get warm. My fingers curled around his, though I wasn’t really using him for support.

“Where to?”

“Ah…” I frowned. “I don’t really know. I suppose there’s still a mat by the ho‑in the storage area.”

He frowned back, liking that idea no better than I did.

And then a strong arm was under my arms, supporting my weight.

“I’ll get her where she needs to go,” Ian said.

Jared’s face was careful, the way he looked at me when he didn’t want me to know what he was thinking. But he was looking at Ian now.

“We were just discussing where exactly that would be. She’s tired. Maybe the hospital…?”

I shook my head at the same time Ian did. After the past horrible days spent there, I didn’t think I could bear the room I’d once misguidedly feared. Especially Walter’s empty bed…

“I’ve got a better place for her,” Ian said. “Those cots aren’t much softer than rock, and she’s got a lot of sore spots.”

Jared still held my hand. Did he realize how tightly he was gripping it? The pressure was starting to get uncomfortable, but he didn’t seem aware. And I certainly wasn’t going to complain.

“Why don’t you get lunch?” Jared suggested to Ian. “You look hungry. I’ll take her wherever you had planned…?”

Ian chuckled, a low, dark sound. “I’m fine. And honestly, Jared, Wanda needs a bit more help than a hand. I don’t know if you’re… comfortable enough with the situation to give her that. You see ‑”

Ian paused to lean down and pull me quickly up into his arms. I gasped as the movement tugged at my side. Jared didn’t free my hand. My fingertips were turning red.

“‑she’s actually had enough exercise for one day, I think. You go on ahead to the kitchen.”

They stared at each other while my fingertips turned purple.

“I can carry her,” Jared finally said in a low voice.

“Can you?” Ian challenged. He held me out, away from his body.

An offer.

Jared stared at my face for a long minute. Then he sighed and dropped my hand.

Ow, that hurts! Melanie complained. She was referring to the sudden lance of pain that shot through my chest, not the return of blood to my fingers.

Sorry. What do you want me to do about it?

He’s not yours.

Yes. I know that.

Ow.

Sorry.

“I think I’ll tag along,” Jared said as Ian, with a tiny, triumphant smile hovering around the edges of his mouth, turned and headed toward the exit. “There’s something I want to discuss with you.”

“Suit yourself.”

Jared didn’t discuss anything at all as we walked through the dark tunnel. He was so quiet, I wasn’t sure he was still there. But when we broke out into the light of the cornfield again, he was right beside us.

He didn’t speak until we were through the big plaza‑until there was no one around but the three of us.

“What’s your take on Kyle?” he asked Ian.

Ian snorted. “He prides himself on being a man of his word. Usually, I would trust a promise from him. In this situation… I’m not letting her out of my sight.”

“Good.”

“It will be fine, Ian,” I said. “I’m not afraid.”

“You don’t have to be. I promise‑no one is ever going to do something like this to you again. You will be safe here.”

It was hard to look away from his eyes when they blazed like that. Hard to doubt anything he said.

“Yes,” Jared agreed. “You will.”

He was walking just behind Ian’s shoulder. I couldn’t see his expression.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

No one spoke again until Ian paused at the red and gray doors that leaned over the entrance to his cave.

“Would you mind getting that?” Ian said to Jared, nodding toward the doors.

Jared didn’t move. Ian turned around so we could both see him; his face was careful again.

“ Your room? This is your better place?” Jared’s voice was full of skepticism.

“It’s her room now.”

I bit my lip. I wanted to tell Ian that of course this wasn’t my room, but I didn’t get a chance before Jared began questioning him.

“Where’s Kyle staying?”

“With Wes, for now.”

“And you?”

“I’m not exactly sure.”

They stared at each other with appraising eyes.

“Ian, this is ‑” I started to say.

“Oh,” he interrupted, as if just remembering me… as if my weight was so insignificant that he’d forgotten I was here. “You’re exhausted, aren’t you? Jared, could you get the door, please?”

Wordlessly, Jared wrenched the red door back with a bit too much force and shoved it on top of the gray one.

I now really saw Ian’s room for the first time, with the noon sun filtering down through the narrow cracks in the ceiling. It wasn’t as bright as Jamie and Jared’s room, or as tall. It was smaller, more proportionate. Roundish‑sort of like my hole, only ten times the size. There were two twin mattresses on the floor, shoved against opposite walls to make a narrow aisle between them. Against the back wall, there was a long, low wooden cupboard; the left side had a pile of clothes on top, two books, and a stack of playing cards. The right side was completely empty, though there were shapes in the dust that indicated this was a recent occurrence.

Ian set me carefully down on the right mattress, arranging my leg and straightening the pillow under my head. Jared stood in the doorway, facing the passageway.

“That okay?” Ian asked me.

“Yes.”

“You look tired.”

“I shouldn’t be‑I’ve done nothing but sleep lately.”

“Your body needs sleep to heal.”

I nodded. I couldn’t deny that it was hard to hold up my eyelids.

“I’ll bring you food later‑don’t worry about anything.”

“Thank you. Ian?”

“Yeah?”

“This is your room,” I mumbled. “You’ll sleep here, of course.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Why would I?”

“It’s probably a good idea‑best way to keep an eye on you. Get some sleep.”

“Okay.”

My eyes were already closed. He patted my hand, and then I heard him get to his feet. A few seconds later, the wooden door clunked softly against stone.

What do you think you’re doing? Melanie demanded.

What? What did I do now?

Wanda, you’re… mostly human. You must realize what Ian will think of your invitation.

Invitation? I could see the direction of her thoughts now. It’s not like that. This is his room. There are two beds here. There aren’t enough sleeping areas for me to have my own space. Of course we should share. Ian knows that.

Does he? Wanda, open your eyes. He’s starting to… How do I explain it so that you’ll understand right? To feel about you… the way you feel about Jared. Can’t you see that?

I couldn’t answer for two heartbeats.

That’s impossible, I finally said.

“Do you think what happened this morning will influence Aaron or Brandt?” Ian asked in a low voice from the other side of the doors.

“You mean Kyle getting a bye?”

“Yeah. They didn’t have to… do anything before. Not when it looked so likely that Kyle would do it for them.”

“I see your point. I’ll speak to them.”

“You think that will be enough?” Ian asked.

“I’ve saved both their lives. They owe me. If I ask them for something, they’ll do it.”

“You’d bet her life on that?”

There was a pause.

“We’ll keep an eye on her,” Jared finally said.

Another long silence.

“Aren’t you going to go eat?” Jared asked.

“I think I’ll hang out here for a bit… How about you?”

Jared didn’t answer.

“What?” Ian asked. “Is there something you want to say to me, Jared?”

“The girl in there…” Jared said slowly.

“Yes?”

“That body doesn’t belong to her.”

“Your point?”

Jared’s voice was hard when he answered. “Keep your hands off it.”

A low chuckle from Ian. “Jealous, Howe?”

“That’s not really the issue.”

“Really.” Ian was sarcastic now.

“Wanda seems to be, more or less, cooperating with Melanie. It sounds like they’re almost… on friendly terms. But obviously Wanda’s making the decisions. What if it were you? How would you feel if you were Melanie? What if you were the one… invaded that way? What if you were trapped, and someone else was telling your body what to do? If you couldn’t speak for yourself? Wouldn’t you want your wishes‑as much as they could be known‑respected? At the very least by other humans?”

“Okay, okay. Point taken. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What do you mean, you’ll keep that in mind? ” Jared demanded.

“I mean that I’ll think about it.”

“There’s nothing to think about,” Jared retorted. I knew how he would look from the sound of his voice‑teeth clenched, jaw strained. “The body and the person locked inside it belong to me. ”

“You’re sure that Melanie still feels the ‑”

“Melanie will always be mine. And I will always be hers.”

Always.

Melanie and I were suddenly at opposite ends of the spectrum. She was flying, elated. I was… not.

We waited anxiously through the next silence.

“But what if it were you?” Ian asked in little more than a whisper. “What if you were stuffed in a human body and let loose on this planet, only to find yourself lost among your own kind? What if you were such a good… person that you tried to save the life you’d taken, that you almost died trying to get her back to her family? What if you then found yourself surrounded by violent aliens who hated you and hurt you and tried to murder you, over and over again?” His voice faltered momentarily. “What if you just kept doing whatever you could to save and heal these people despite that? Wouldn’t you deserve a life, too? Wouldn’t you have earned that much?”

Jared didn’t answer. I felt my eyes getting moist. Did Ian really think so highly of me? Did he really think I’d earned the right to a life here?

“Point taken?” Ian pressed.

“I‑I’ll have to think about that one.”

“Do that.”

“But still ‑”

Ian interrupted him with a sigh. “Don’t get worked up. Wanda isn’t exactly human, despite the body. She doesn’t seem to respond to… physical contact the same way a human would.”

Now Jared laughed. “Is that your theory?”

“What’s funny?”

“She is quite capable of responding to physical contact,” Jared informed him, his tone suddenly sober again. “She’s human enough for that. Or her body is, anyway.”

My face went hot.

Ian was silent.

“Jealous, O’Shea?”

“Actually… I am. Surprisingly so.” Ian’s voice was strained. “How would you know that?”

Now Jared hesitated. “It was… sort of an experiment.”

“An experiment? ”

“It didn’t go the way I thought it would. Mel punched me.” I could hear that he was grinning at the memory, and I could see, in my head, the little lines fanning out around his eyes.

“Melanie… punched… you?”

“It sure wasn’t Wanda. You should have seen her face… What? Hey, Ian, easy, man!”

“Did you think for one moment what that must have done to her?” Ian hissed.

“Mel?”

“No, you fool, Wanda!”

“Done to Wanda? ” Jared asked, sounding bewildered by the idea.

“Oh, get out of here. Go eat something. Stay away from me for a few hours.”

Ian didn’t give him a chance to answer. He yanked the door out of his way‑roughly but very quietly‑and then slid into his room and put the door back in its place.

He turned and met my gaze. From his expression, he was surprised to find me awake. Surprised and chagrined. The fire in his eyes blazed and then slowly dimmed. He pursed his lips.

He cocked his head to one side, listening. I listened, too, but Jared’s retreat made no sound. Ian waited for another moment, then sighed and plunked down on the edge of his mattress, across from me.

“I guess we weren’t as quiet as I thought,” he said.

“Sound carries in these caves,” I whispered.

He nodded. “So…” he finally said. “What do you think?”

CHAPTER 38. Touched

What do I think about what?”

“About our… discussion out there,” Ian clarified.

What did I think about it? I didn’t know.

Somehow, Ian was able to look at things from my perspective, my alien perspective. He thought I had earned a right to my life.

But he was… jealous? Of Jared?

He knew what I was. He knew I was just a tiny creature fused into the back of Melanie’s brain. A worm, as Kyle had said. Yet even Kyle thought Ian had a “crush” on me. On me? That wasn’t possible.

Or did he want to know what I thought about Jared? My feelings on the experiment? More details about my responses to physical contact? I shuddered.

Or my thoughts on Melanie? Melanie’s thoughts on their conversation? Whether I agreed with Jared about her rights?

I didn’t know what I thought. About any of it.

“I really don’t know,” I said.

He nodded. “That’s understandable.”

“Only because you are very understanding.”

He smiled at me. It was odd how his eyes could both scorch and warm. Especially with a color that was closer to ice than fire. They were quite warm at the moment.

“I like you very much, Wanda.”

“I’m only just beginning to see that. I guess I’m a little slow.”

“It’s a surprise to me, too.”

We both thought that over.

He pursed his lips. “And… I suppose… that is one of the things you don’t know how you feel about?”

“No. I mean yes, I… don’t know. I… I ‑”

“That’s okay. You haven’t had long to think about it. And it must seem… strange.”

I nodded. “Yes. More than strange. Impossible.”

“Tell me something,” Ian said after a moment.

“If I know the answer.”

“It’s not a hard question.”

He didn’t ask it right away. Instead, he reached across the narrow space and picked up my hand. He held it in both of his for a moment, and then he trailed the fingers of his left hand slowly up my arm, from my wrist to my shoulder. Just as slowly, he pulled them back again. He looked at the skin of my arm rather than my face, watching the goose bumps that formed along the path of his fingers.

“Does that feel good or bad to you?” he asked.

Bad, Melanie insisted.

But it doesn’t hurt, I protested.

That’s not what he’s asking. When he says good… Oh, it’s like talking to a child!

I’m not even a year old, you know. Or am I now? I was sidetracked, trying to figure out the date.

Melanie was not distracted. Good, to him, means the way it feels when Jared touches us. The memory she provided was not one from the caves. It was in the magic canyon, at sunset. Jared stood behind her and let his hands follow the shape of her arms, from her shoulders to her wrists. I shivered at the pleasure of the simple touch. Like that.

Oh.

“Wanda?”

“Melanie says bad,” I whispered.

“What do you say?”

“I say… I don’t know.”

When I could meet his eyes, they were warmer than I expected. “I can’t even imagine how confusing this all must be to you.”

It was comforting that he understood. “Yes. I’m confused.”

His hand traced up and down my arm again. “Would you like me to stop?”

I hesitated. “Yes,” I decided. “That… what you’re doing… makes it hard for me to think. And Melanie is… angry at me. That also makes it hard to think.”

I’m not angry at you. Tell him to leave.

Ian is my friend. I don’t want him to leave.

He leaned away, folding his arms across his chest.

“I don’t suppose she’d give us a minute alone?”

I laughed. “I doubt it.”

Ian tilted his head to one side, his expression speculative.

“Melanie Stryder?” he asked, addressing her.

We both started at the name.

Ian went on. “I’d like the chance to speak with Wanda privately, if you don’t mind. Is there any way that could be arranged?”

Of all the nerve! You tell him I said no chance in hell! I do not like this man.

My nose wrinkled up.

“What did she say?”

“She said no.” I tried to say the words as gently as they could be said. “And that she doesn’t… like you.”

Ian laughed. “I can respect that. I can respect her. Well, it was worth a try.” He sighed. “Kind of puts a damper on things, having an audience.”

What things? Mel growled.

I grimaced. I didn’t like feeling her anger. It was so much more vicious than mine.

Get used to it.

Ian put his hand on my face. “I’ll let you think about things, okay? So you can decide how you feel.”

I tried to be objective about that hand. It was soft against my face. It felt… nice. Not like when Jared touched me. But also different from the way it felt when Jamie hugged me. Other.

“It might take a while. None of this makes any sense, you know,” I told him.

He grinned. “I know.”

I realized, when he smiled then, that I wanted him to like me. The rest‑the hand on my face, the fingers on my arm‑I still wasn’t sure at all about those. But I wanted him to like me, and to think kind things about me. Which is why it was hard to tell him the truth.

“You don’t really feel that way about me, you know,” I whispered. “It’s this body… She’s pretty, isn’t she?”

He nodded. “She is. Melanie is a very pretty girl. Even beautiful.” His hand moved to touch my bad cheek, to stroke the rough, scarring skin with gentle fingers. “In spite of what I’ve done to her face.”

Normally, I would have denied that automatically. Reminded him that the wounds on my face weren’t his fault. But I was so confused that my head was spinning and I couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

Why should it bother me that he thought Melanie was beautiful?

You’ve got me there. My feelings were no clearer to her than they were to me.

He brushed my hair back from my forehead.

“But, pretty as she is, she’s a stranger to me. She’s not the one I… care about.”

That made me feel better. Which was even more confusing.

“Ian, you don’t… Nobody here separates us the way they should. Not you, not Jamie, not Jeb.” The truth came out in a rush, more heated than I’d meant it to be. “You couldn’t care about me. If you could hold me in your hand, me, you would be disgusted. You would throw me to the ground and grind me under your foot.”

His pale forehead creased as his black brows pulled together. “I… not if I knew it was you.”

I laughed without humor. “How would you know? You couldn’t tell us apart.”

His mouth turned down.

“It’s just the body,” I repeated.

“That’s not true at all,” he disagreed. “It’s not the face, but the expressions on it. It’s not the voice, but what you say. It’s not how you look in that body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.”

He moved forward as he spoke, kneeling beside the bed where I lay and taking my hand again in both of his.

“I’ve never known anyone like you.”

I sighed. “Ian, what if I’d come here in Magnolia’s body?”

He grimaced and then laughed. “Okay. That’s a good question. I don’t know.”

“Or Wes’s?”

“But you’re female‑you yourself are.”

“And I always request whatever a planet’s equivalent is. It seems more… right. But I could be put into a man and I would function just fine.”

“But you’re not in a man’s body.”

“See? That’s my point. Body and soul. Two different things, in my case.”

“I wouldn’t want it without you.”

“You wouldn’t want me without it. ”

He touched my cheek again and left his hand there, his thumb under my jaw. “But this body is part of you, too. It’s part of who you are. And, unless you change your mind and turn us all in, it’s who you will always be.”

Ah, the finality of it. Yes, I would die in this body. The final death.

And I will never live in it again, Melanie whispered.

It’s not how either of us planned our future, is it?